Oh, poor blog. Has it really been a month? Where has the time gone? I’ve been so busy doing…doing…um…well, not much, in fact.
I mean, I’ve been doing the usual things- cooking and (occasionally) cleaning and schooling and some fun afternoon trips with the kid, but that is all stuff I have to do, you know, not the Optional But Very Fun Stuff I Also Like To Do. Which makes it sound like I don’t like the stuff I have to do, but in truth, I love it and it’s the best job I’ve ever had. I guess what I am trying (and failing spectacularly!) to say is that I’ve just not had much extra for the extras lately.
I could speculate as to why, but as we all know, feelings are boring. So let’s just kiss instead. Or rather, you kiss whomever is closest to you, which is probably not me, which is a shame, because I like kisses.
You know what else I like? Beer! One thing I have done recently is
make my first batch of beer help Bill make a batch of beer from a kit so that I can learn how to make beer myself. It was tons of fun, and I can’t wait to make my first batch on my own. So much so, in fact, that I’m spending this evening trying to come up with my very first beer recipe, when in fact, I have never made a batch of beer all by myself. This is sort of like making a box cake once, with your grandma, and then deciding that you’re just gonna come up with your very own recipe for German Chocolate Cake next time, because you read a few cookbooks, and it seems pretty straightforward! And then you’re going to enter that totally original homemade cake in the State Fair! Oh, and did I mention that you haven’t even tasted that box cake yet, because it’s still in the oven?
It’s a slightly tortured analogy, but it’s a serviceable one. I am a cautious sort under normal circumstances, and tend to think and think and think some more about given situations, mulling them over and over and looking at all the possible outcomes and then being paralyzed with indecision or with all the median steps I feel I need to complete before I could reach the point of making a decision about whether or not I have enough information/experience/expertise to actually make a decision. This is why I have whole weeks/months/years when nothing creative gets done and I just go along, muddling through the motions of life and doing what *has* to be done, not what I *want* to be done and what, honestly, *needs* to be done in order for me to be really happy.
And yet, the times when I have just said “FUCK IT!!!” and done something completely unexpected and irrational and emotionally-driven have been- alright, well, some of them have been really good and some have been really awful, but none have been really boring, for sure. Once you become a parent, there’s a lot of times when you can’t take risks, you can’t go out on a big limb, and you can’t go around saying, “FUCK IT!” all the time, metaphorically or literally, because man, kids will repeat everything they see or hear you do. But you can- in fact, you must- sometimes, for your own sanity, when it means having a happier Mom or Dad because you say Fuck It and take a few hours on Saturday or late in the evening, right after bedtime, or early in the morning to make beer, or write, or run, or just sit quietly by yourself and wonder instead of getting ahead of the laundry or going to Target or making an elaborate dinner, which for me, is one that has more than two dishes. Sometimes it’s okay to let things slide over here so you can take a small risk over there. Sometimes it is necessary to jump in with both feet while you still have the passionate urge and say Fuck It to worrying about Fucking It Up. I don’t think I’m still talking entirely about beer making here, but I’m not entirely sure what I *am* talking about here. Except that it involves feelings. And feelings are boring. Damn it.